This post is something I’ve gone back and forth about sharing for some time, in fact, I’ve been starting at it in my drafts folder wondering when would be the right time to hit publish. I try to balance personal vs. professional posts on the blog, and this is probably the most “personal” post I’ve ever shared, and more personal than I usually like to go, but I feel it’s important to talk about. It’s been a little over two years since we got married, and about a year and a half since we had our first appointment with our first fertility doctor. Infertility seems to be such a taboo topic, and no one likes to talk about it, like it’s a bad word. But I guarantee you know at least one couple who is most likely silently struggling with infertility. 1 in 8 couples struggle to get pregnant, and 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. That number is crazy for how little the subject is talked about. 

A little over a year and a half ago we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. This means that both Tyler and I had all sorts of test done and everything came back normal, which means they haven’t been able to find anything that should be preventing us from getting pregnant. So, we are currently in the process of lots of expensive doctors visits, pills, shots, ultrasounds and procedures (most of which is not covered by insurance) to try to get pregnant. Unfortunately, that means the process of starting a family hasn’t very easy for us. I mean, they teach you in school a boy so much as touches you BAM, you’re pregnant. If only it was that easy.

Infertility feels unfair, it is expensive, it is painful, and it is full of so much unknown. It feels like everyone but you is getting pregnant. Which, may not be true, but it sure feels like it. Maybe it’s because we’re just more sensitive to it because it’s something we want so badly? For me, it’s not the fact that I’m not happy for those couples, I would never wish infertility on my worst enemy, but I feel sad for us. It’s a reminder of our situation. 

As a 28 year-old, we have already 23 months of failed cycles (both natural and medicated), 2 failed attempts at medicated IUI (intrauterine insemination) and ovarian hyperstimulation. One month we had what they call a chemical pregnancy, also known as a very early miscarriage, and there is no way to tell what caused it. I don’t think there is anything worse than getting the faintest of a second line on a pregnancy test, confirming it with blood work only to be told your blood work is showing that it’s not a viable pregnancy.

This isn’t hasn’t been easy, nothing about this is easy, but one day, the baby we’ve been dreaming of will be here, and I know, they will have been worth the wait.